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The Host: Worse than Twilight

Yes, you did read that correctly. We actually have a movie worse than the Twilight saga.

I’ve always maintained that the problem holding the Twilight movies back is their insistence on staying more or less loyal to the books. But the concept of Twilight could probably work if you give it to a competent director or a proven satirist. On the other hand, we’ve got The Host, which was written for screen and directed by sci-fi genius Andrew Niccol and it still sucks.

The Host has about a dozen problems and none of them are fun to talk about. The biggest one is the main character, or should I say characters. Saoirse Ronan has the dual role as Melanie Stryder, a human girl, and Wanda (short for Wanderer), an alien life form known as a “Soul”. The Souls invade bodies of other life forms in order to … actually their reason for doing so isn’t ever brought up. They don’t need a host body to live and they aren’t interested in wiping out other life like the Irkens or Saiyans did in their respective franchises. They’re doing this pretty much “for teh lulz”.

Melanie and Wanda are where the problem starts. Both of them are schizophrenic and both of them want to be both the unstoppable badass and the femme fatale. And neither one of them is particularly bright, practically speaking. Wanda has forgotten pretty much everything she could have possibly learned over her self-proclaimed 1000 year span of traversing the known universe, and there’s one moment where Melanie tells Wanda to walk on rocks in order to avoid leaving tracks … while she’s wearing 6-inch heels. This is probably compounded by the fact that Wanda is the Soul in Melanie’s body, but any other situation would make the story even more ridiculous.

I’d like to say Niccol gave it his best shot, but somehow I think he didn’t even bother trying. Meyer’s misogynistic glorification of female masochism shines through in a handful of ways, most notably the fact that Melanie often uses violence against her own body to wrench control of it from Wanda and that Wanda herself falls in love with a man who nearly strangles her to death the first time they’re in close physical contact.

This is officially the worst movie I have seen this year. Call it karmic backlash for Beautiful Creatures far exceeding expectations. Don’t waste your money. Go see G.I. Joe. Or The Croods. Hell, go see Olympus Has Fallen. Or even Burt Wonderstone. Those are all much better movies than this one.

Posted by on April 2, 2013. Filed under Entertainment. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0. Both comments and pings are currently closed.

3 Responses to The Host: Worse than Twilight

  1. Sarah Eats Ribs (@saraherib)

    April 2, 2013 at 3:57 pm

    Um, The Host was originally a YA novel, it wasn’t written for the screen…

    • Matt Maimone

      April 2, 2013 at 8:04 pm

      Stephnaie Meyer wrote the novel. But Andrew Niccol adapted the novel into a screenplay.

  2. CMrok93

    April 3, 2013 at 10:54 am

    Good review Matt. It’s just another showing that it wants to be the reason why we can’t take Stephenie Meyer seriously.