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The Best Friend: When to Step In and When to Shut Up

Recently, I was asked by a friend the best way to go about telling another friend you don’t think their guy/girl is right for them.

This is a tricky and awkward situation in any case. You don’t want to butt in on your friend’s personal business, but you also don’t want to see your friend get hurt, or lose them to someone you dislike.

Before you make the final judgment and close the book on their new boyfriend/girlfriend, you need to give them another chance. Everyone has bad days, and it’s possible you caught them on one of theirs. Or maybe they are a little more on the shy side. Before you decide they are unworthy of your friend, really consider what it is about them that rubs you the wrong way.  You might realize you aren’t giving them the benefit of the doubt.

If you’ve given them a couple chances and they still don’t make the cut, you have to think about how you are going to approach your friend. The last thing you want to is make them feel attacked and drive them away.

The most important thing to do is make it clear to your friend that you are on their side and everything you’re saying is coming from a good place. When people are in love, or in a new relationship, they tend to easily forgive and overlook the faults of their new beau. There is a way you can gently point out the red flags you’ve noticed without completely offending them. They may be defensive at first, but undoubtedly they will begin to see the things everyone else has been seeing.

The next thing to do is know when to back off. Once you have said your piece you have to let your friend figure out the rest. At this point you are only their support system. Always remember you’re the friend first, not the parent.

Posted by on April 12, 2013. Filed under Around Campus. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0. Both comments and pings are currently closed.