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Summer 2016 Horoscopes


Unsure what this summer has in store for you? Scared of what the future may hold? Don’t worry, campus psychic and crystal-healer Daniela Marchione ’17 has the answers.


Aries will go on a 10 day nature hike and spend the rest of the summer telling everyone around them how enlightened they feel. They will also send several unsuccessful emails trying to change their major to Exercise Science.


Taurus will get blocked by Tinder administration for sending too many messages in one day. With all the free time they have, they will be able to focus on their fitness Instagram account and spend the rest of the summer gaining followers and posting yoga challenges.


Gemini will suffer from exhaustion after spending all of their time posting Snapchats.


Cancer will spend all summer trying to make food based on the instructional cooking videos on Facebook but none of them will come out good enough so they will end up in bed watching TV until September.


Leo will get fired from their job almost immediately, but will befriend a group of independent millionaires who pay for a temporary apartment at Trilogy until school starts.


Virgo will meet the love of their life this summer! They will spend the entire summer asking every person they know what they think of him/her, if they think they are a good match, and if they should date. They will finally get engaged and set the wedding date to 2028.


Libra will discover a hidden talent this summer. It could be a new skill or ability, or a creative way of looking at things. This will benefit Libra for months, but could lead to them being kidnapped by the local carnival over the summer.


Scorpio will travel across the South Shore this summer and meet many amazing people. While they won’t make any money over the break, the experiences they have will be worth it. The tan lines will fade but the memories will last a lifetime.


Sagittarius will join a farm co-op but will forget to submit one of the payments and will be forced to sell their soul to sustainable farming.


Capricorn will suffer from a mid-summer crisis and go completely off the grid for a while. When they come back, they will start an online club at Emmanuel for students interested in pursuing a career in memes.


Aquarius will throw the most amazing Fourth of July party this summer, complete with matching T-shirts for all of the guests, an actual bald eagle flying around the property, an all-beef food truck, and red white and blue mini cupcakes.


Pisces will spend the summer working at their dream job at a religious theater camp.

Daniela Marchione ’17

Posted by on May 6, 2016. Filed under Around Campus. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0. Both comments and pings are currently closed.