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“The New Year, New Me Plan” A Poem By Shumon Jenkins ’18


Alright, its that time of the year again, time for a, “New Year New Me!”


I promise to workout everyday.

But what if it’s crowded?


Then I’ll just do it the next day!

But what if it’s crowded the next day?


I’ll just go when I can.


I’ll definitely eat better though.

Unless there’s nothing good to eat.

Besides, a cheese burger never hurt anyone.


Ok. Let me be serious. “New Year, New Me.”


I will stop going out every weekend.

How do I define going out though?

Parties and stuff?

*Looks outside to blizzard and freezing wind*


…..Nah, just outside in general.


Cool! And if I do that I can stop waiting last minute to finish my papers!

Unless it’s like a page or something.

Then I can start it at a 11:30 pm….the next day.


Oh, I NEED to stop talking to people who are just going to waste my time.

But what if this one’s different?

Then them I love them?

I should stop telling people I love them.

Unless they love me.

Hmmm…maybe I should stop thinking everyone loves me.

Oh who am I kidding, everyone loves me!


Dammit! I keep getting off track. Focus. “New Year New Me.”


I will get all As and Bs this semester.

But what if the teacher hates me?

Then it’s the teacher’s fault on why I failed.


I will stop staying up late.

I will stop staying up late.


…….Unless I have to.


I need to stop drinking too.

But what if there’s nothing else to drink?

Just Die?

Shit, I might as well if I quit drinking.


I should join more clubs.

But what if they ask me to do stuff?

Then I’ll just never show up again.





Wow, I overthink too much. I should stop.

I mean, what are the odds of any of those exceptions to really happen anyway?

I guess about the same as me actually doing this plan.


Yeah, basically.


Well there’s always next year.

Besides, I like this me anyway.


Shumon Jenkins ’18

Posted by on January 28, 2017. Filed under The Week's End. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0. Both comments and pings are currently closed.