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Your Finals Week Horoscopes

April showers bring May…finals?? It’s that time of year everyone!! The stars have aligned and your finals week Almighty has spoken. There is only a few days left, so take a look and see what you most likely~ will do this weekSparkles Emoji (Apple/iOS Version) If the stars said you will fail…..don’t @ me 

Aquarius (January 21-February 18) 

Your planner has been filled from corner to corner with different colored pens and we’re all secretly judging. And by secretly we mean calling u out every single time u open that organized Bible. You are going to tackle these tests just like how your friends are going to tackle you if you mention how finals “aren’t that bad” one more time. #partyfoul!!

Pisces (February 19th – March 20th)

Hey remember when finals were so far away and you literally couldn’t believe there was so much time left of this semester?? Well we’re literally here and finals are literally this week. Guess what astrological sign will be cramming the night before!! Bish u guessed it. You will pass and all will be right in the world but there will be a few cups of coffee between you and that B- in Bio.

Aries (March 21 – April 19)

Another year another opportunity to wing your finals. You have had too much fun this semester to dedicate a whole week to post up in ur dorm and study for tests. These last few days are for u to go out and u intend to, which also includes bringing ur whole squad down with you. How could ur friends study when they see u outside eating El Pelón on a sunny day?? They can’t. Thx so much Aries.


Taurus (April 21-May 20)

Oh, you don’t need to study for finals bc u feel good about it? Well ur only the most un-relatable person we know. Ur good at managing your time and always know how to fit some cardio into ur sched. What is that like?? You will handle this week like always and finish ~strong, even tho weak is the new black. BYE Taurus talk to us when u are 2 papers deep with no energy to study at all and sweating coffee.

Gemini (May 21st – June 21st)

Ur phone will be your own worst enemy this week. Other schools have gotten out and u can’t help but look at ur feed filled w darty’s. Yup. It’s darty sZn and u can almost feel the sunshine on your face and your flip flopped foot crunching over empty Four Lokos. For some reason, we want that, because just like u Gemini, we are over it. HoWeVeR u need to stop scrollin’ and start studyin’ because hey, the more u study the more time passes and then you TOO could be crunching over cans. Also, recycle people c’mon.

Cancer (June 22nd – July 22nd)

Cancer, it’s finals week but u can’t stop thinking about how there’s only days between u and your drive back home. You are ready to get these tests over with and start packing your thaaaangs. Ur v good at being aware of what u need to study and if u sit down alone and crank the studying out, u got this one in the ~bag~. But don’t let ur want to go home get in the way…stop texting old friends n’ wait until u can burn your notebooks from this semester in a bonfire at home. Do people still do that? Well they should.

Leo (July 23rd – August 22nd)

#PROCRASTINATIONNATION. I don’t want to say I’m not surprised you put off your 2 five page papers, but I’m not surprised. This week you are procrastinating more than EVER Leo, and then acting as though a ~magic Emmanuel wizard~ sent u this werk from above and u had no idea it was due in an hour. You have been saying all week how next semester you will be more on top of things, but you’ve been saying “next semester” for the last 4 years :/

Virgo (August 23rd – September 22nd)

The only thing you hear when someone says finals week is “overthink.” Your brain needs a break from everything and that is why you are struggling so much this week Virgo. You have worked hella hard this semester and know a day at the beach and a trip to ur fave coffee shop is exactly what u need. The only thing u have to finish first is that mound of notes and u can officially shut ur brain off for good!! (a few months but I’m pretending it’s forever.)

Libra (September 23rd – October 23rd)

Buddy system!! You should definitely pick someone to werk with this week while studying for F***** (the word that shall not be named again) because you need some motivatin’. You have done well by yourself all semester but u need that extra push, or shove, or hard kick to get yourself going until u are packed n’ ready 2 go. Ur supa social and u need that friend who is going to make u do ur work. And if u don’t have that friend, find one that’s like you and both of you can do nothing together. #teamwork

Scorpio (October 24th – November 22nd)

I know Scorpio, I know…it’s almost time to go home. You wish more than anything that you could stay in BOS and just walk around and do nothing with no work to do, buuuuut this is reality and reality makes you LEAVE. You can’t wait to meet up w old amigos and drive around for no reason and get bitten by mosquitos because it’ll feel a lot better than knowing an essay is due tomorrow and having to get out of bed.

Sagittarius (November 23rd – December 21st)

We see you Sagittarius!! Walking across campus in your Crocs with that look on your face that could actually make anyone say, “I know, me too.” You have felt every minute at school since Sempemba and everyone u know knows u are ready to get out of here. You’re currently in bed thinking about that PHAT ass nap ur gonna take instead of studying, and honestly, #respect. U love the pasta bar more than anyone, but not even chicken alfredo can keep u here another week.

Capricorn (December 22nd – January 20th)

Oh Capricorn, what are ya doin. Ur not studying but ur not procrastinating, ur in some kind of ~finals week purgatory~ where u put in some werk here and there, but u also really want to do absolutely nothing. I mean it. Like stare @ the wall and think about what shade of white it is. You’re low key getting sick of everyone and it’s making your skin CRAWL, and honestly, you prob wish your skin could crawl because it would give u something to chase after instead of studying for Psych.

Sabrina Tessitore ’20 is a Staff Writer and Social Media Editor for The Hub. She can be contacted at and on Twitter @Sabrina_Tess.

Posted by on May 4, 2017. Filed under Around Campus,Horoscopes. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0. Both comments and pings are currently closed.