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Your 2017 Thanksgiving Horoscopes

GOBBLE GOBBLE EMMANUEL🦃 It is almost the occasion where time stops, and for hours you only remember one thing: how to eat copious amounts of 😩food😩 You’re here for the stuffing, you’re here for the sweet potatoes, and most importantly, you’re here to finally be with the food, I mean fam. The stars are aligning once again, this time bringing you your holiday sZn f a t e. 

Aquarius (January 21st – February 18th)

Everyone is complaining that they have so much work to do and you’re sitting there knowing you’re almost done, and honestly don’t say anything or we’ll hate you, and we don’t wanna have that now do we:-) You have been HELLA on top of everything and it prob has to do with the fact that it is almost time for Turkey Break (no it definitely had to do w break.) Ur goal was to have no homework this week and well, u fricken did it. Now go eat and stop talking about how easy this semester has been for you.

Favorite Black Friday Deal: Forever 21

Pisces (February 19th – March 20th)

Ok so maaaayb u didn’t finish all of ur work for this week and now have to bring all your shit home, but it’s the thought that counts right??? Hello?💩 You somehow managed to procrastinate and assignments are popping up everywhere but u literally would sell a vital body part in exchange for no homework this week. During this holiday you’re going to smile thru the tears and when a family member asks u how school is going, well, make sure your mouth is filled with food and just nod your head up and down.

Favorite Black Friday Deal: The Outlets

Aries (March 21 – April 19)

It isn’t like you haven’t attempted to study and work on anything Aries because your books are spread out in front of you. Every time u have gotten together w ur friends to do homework this week u were the one reading funny tweets to them and when ur reading funny tweets suddenly THEY’RE reading funny tweets. U have gotten everyone off track lately w work but you know you’re not gonna care what is due soon because you’ll be too busy joining your fam’s festivities. Also, u now can just eat and read funny tweets to your family so cheers.

Favorite Black Friday Deal: Kohls, TJMaxx, DSW. Your local faves

 Taurus (April 21-May 20)

We get it Taurus, Thanksgiving will be your cheat day. Well guess what, everyday is our cheat day and Thanksgiving will actually be a day we prob get a sufficient amount of nutrition so. U have been on top of things with your health, your school work, fam n’ friends. This week is just another week for you except for the fact that u think having corn bread with your meal is crazy and un-nutritious. Try eating every hour on the hour, or don’t, maybe it’s my thing. Whatever your habits you’re going to relax, laugh, and enjoy Turkey Day 2 it’s fullest!! And hopefully u will be full, too. Seriously, eat the pumpkin pie.

Favorite Black Friday Deal: Vitamin Shoppe, Dick’s Sporting Goods

Gemini (May 21st – June 21st)

Put down your phone and stop being jealous of the other schools getting out early, you’re almost there!! Snap has been showing too many people in your hometown enjoying home cooked meals and small parties that you’re eager to get to. It sux. However, ur only a couple more assignments and a car ride away from being in those snaps which you’ll make sure you’re apart of, obviously. Thanksgiving Break wouldn’t be a thing without meeting up w your best friends from HS and going to your fave coffee shop to catch up. Ah, tis’ the SZN. ☕️

Favorite Black Friday Deal: TVs, laptops, all things electronic

Cancer (June 22nd – July 22nd)

Cancer it’s almost time to get✨wine drunk✨with your family, and when they bring up politics, you’re probably going to want to speed up the process. You have been hella anxious to get home to your family and that is including EVERYONE. All your aunts, uncles, cousins and even their dogs will be surrounding you and that is when you’re in ur p r i m e. Every time there is a holiday break you wonder why u didn’t go to school closer to home, although there isn’t pie and presents to be given to u all year round. Awk.

Favorite Black Friday Deal: Black Friday? No, Cyber Monday is all you

Leo (July 23rd – August 22nd)

Martha Stewart is that you? Suddenly when Thanksgiving and Christmas come around you turn into a mother of 4 with a niche in baking, crafting, and all around jolliness. For real, it’s weird. BUT no one is complaining because they get cute decorative treats out of it (I’m also not complaining I enjoy treats and all around jolliness.) You have 25 saved cooking videos from your Facebook feed that look easy to tackle and ur ready to join your momma in the kitchen. We just have one request, can you chill with the Christmas music until December 1st? It IS too early.

Favorite Black Friday Deal: The Loft, J Crew, The Gap

Virgo (August 23rd – September 22nd)

You need to give your brain a rest Virgo, seriously, chill out. You get super stressed out about everything around the holidays, and this doesn’t just involve school work (altho, u need to calm down w that, too. You go 110%, all in some might say.) The holidays are supposed to be enjoyable but you just remembered that you have to buy people presents. Yikes. You saw that post on Facebook that says, “When your mom deserves an island and you can only afford a candle,” and started to stress out. RELAX. Your family will love whatever you get them and plus, you have another month until the big day. Now sit down and eat some stuffing, ur fave.

Favorite Black Friday Deal: Bath and Body Works, The Body Shop, Lush

Libra (September 23rd – October 23rd)

It’s only Thanksgiving, put your colored coated Christmas list that you typed up on Google Docs AWAY. This is the time of giving thanks did u forget?? Well the stars are here to remind u that the Pilgrims did not ask for Lulu Lemon leggings at their feast (maybe a lemon, not leggings tho.) A lot has been put into perspective for u lately and u want to come back from break with a strong mindset and a whole lotta love for everyone around you. Don’t get caught up in the salez!! Unless they’re really good, bring the ppl u love with you. A win win.

Favorite Black Friday Deal: Victoria’s Secret, Pink

Scorpio (October 24th – November 22nd)

Thanksgiving? You’re all about the FRIENDSGIVING. You love to be cooped up in your friend’s small dorm or apartment with a random assortment of bowls and cups digging into your holiday faves. You and your roommate were told to bring the sides while everyone helped out with the Turkey, and you wouldn’t have it any other way. Even if your pie isn’t home made, Star Market is the next best thing. Ur thankful for them and even more thankful u have a crew who will go out @ 3am to Black Friday shop w you👫 Hey, breakfast is included the next morning obviously.

Favorite Black Friday Deal: Glossier, Madewell

 

Sagittarius (November 23rd – December 21st)

You decided to watch what you were eating right before the holidays…there goes that. You’re not holding back this Thanksgiving since you’re sick of your crockpot dinners and eating peanut butter out of a jar w a spoon #upgradingsZn. Your family is going to be INSISTING you have seconds and thirds and u will laugh in the face of anyone asking you to eat more (have u mentioned ur sick of ur crock pot?) You wanna sit down in your hometown and forget that all that work u have due tomorrow is non-existent. Fun fact, it’s non-existent if u just don’t do it. #hack!!

Favorite Black Friday Deal: Do bars have Black Friday sales?

Capricorn (December 22nd – January 20th)

You have lost all motivation to ANYTHING, literally, like you don’t even want to take the ride home this week Capricorn. You want to snap your fingers and be standing in your bedroom. You’re ready to binge on Hallmark movies (they show 2 new ones every weekend u kno) and snack on whatever your mom makes and brings out to u on the couch🍝 EC Learn will be open on the laptop but you know you’re just gonna help your fam decorate the house for the next best season. Thanksgiving is all about being thankful, and u my friend, are thankful for this break. #bless #up

Favorite Black Friday Deal: Urban Outfitters, American Eagle

Sabrina Tessitore ’20 is a Staff Writer and Social Media Editor for The Hub. She can be contacted at tessitores@emmanuel.edu and on Twitter@Sabrina_Tess.

Posted by on November 22, 2017. Filed under Around Campus. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0. You can leave a response or trackback to this entry

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