Connect with Us


Subscribe to our Weekly Newsletter

Your 2017 Finals Horoscopes

Could it be? Is it possible? Christmas break is among us and so are our Christmas mental break downs🎄 It’s weird, isn’t it? How we aren’t in the comforts of our own homes drinking hot chocolate pretending this semester never happened? WELL the stars, they’re back☄️👀 Your finals fate lies within the sky, and if you look up, you may just see how you will handle the next few days. (Annnnnnd if you want it to be a total surprise and are afraid of what may take place tomorrow morning stop here and keep lookin’ forward ok good luck with everything🙏🏻)

Sagittarius (November 23rd – December 21st)

Saggy, it is your time to✨s h i n e✨ This has been the time of year where you can brag all about your birthday sZn and how it’s allll about chu. With finals right around the corner, you now have one more thing to complain about other than the fact that you don’t like how close Christmas and your bday are to each other. Whelp. Honestly though, you’ve been pretty calm. You’ve excepted your fate, have studied enough, and don’t even have to pack because you did that a week ago. Not over achieving, just really f**kin pumped to get home.

Final you’ll most likely fail: Orgo. Enough said.

Capricorn (December 22nd – January 20th)

Don’t worry my fellow Capricorn, our time is almost upon us. You literally do not care about the outcome of your finals, and that is ok. The stars aligned and they spelled out “SHOT.” You have bags under your eyes and you’ve worn the same pair of leggings and sweater four days in a row. ~Avant Garde~ If you eat anymore baked mac and cheese from the Muddy you’ll need a stretcher, BUT, you know there’s a light at the end of this week and that light is coming from your parent’s car’s headlights when they come and pick you up. #YEET.

Final you’ll most likely fail: Can you fail if you technically don’t write anything? #sophomoreskip

Aquarius (January 21st – February 18th)

Hey you! The stars have aligned and you’re ready to a c e your exam. You have been flying through this week off of adrenaline just THINKING about being home next week with your fam & fraaaans. You have all four of your exams which sux but if you keep a steady pace like you have been, and surround yourself with all your highlighterz, you will b allll set. Grind it out and reward yourself with some Moonlight Breakfast. What’s better than breakfast? #atnight. See u there!!

Final you’ll most likely fail: Failing? Not this sign.

Pisces (February 19th – March 20th)

Bah Humbug. You haven’t had a job in months and it’s #giftgivingszn. Hopefully your friends like long hugs and noodle necklaces?? You need a break Pisces. The stars show that you have been all over the place with assignments from forgetting papers to meetings, chill o u t. Taking one final @ a time will be your best bet, and popping open that bottle of wine that’s been sitting in your fridge is a close second.

Final you’ll most likely fail: Spanish, O lay :/

Aries (March 21 – April 19)

HELLO? Helllooooo? Are you…alive? Is that coffee or drool on your face? Oh, both. Well, the stars just came by and said that if you have another cup of coffee you will permanently cry espresso tears, but honestly, that wouldn’t be that bad right? #freecaffeine. Finals week is NOT an excuse to spend all your time at the Rubi machine. Your blood pressure (and you) will thank me if you make a smooooooth transition to tea, ever heard of chai? Aries, you can make it through to next week, and please wipe whatever that is off your face.

Final you’ll most likely fail: You spilled mocha latte and ruined all of your History notes

Taurus (April 21-May 20)

You barely have any finals this week, we get it Taurus. The stars aligned and spelled out “s h u t u p.” Hey, I’m only the messenger. It isn’t like you haven’t worked hard this semester though, you got lucky and it just so happens you had two projects for one class and two finals for another. Our hate for u stems from jealousy we promise🙄 Everything about this week has been hectic though since you do have to werk in ~GrOuPs~ There is always ONE individual whose main purpose on this earth is to be the one who makes everything difficult in a group project, and he’s the one suggesting you change everything a day before it’s due 🙂 Don’t hurt him Taurus, TAURUS you have to be able to come back next semester…

Final you’ll most likely fail: Sociology

Gemini (May 21st – June 21st)

Your family has a countdown to when you’re coming home and you’re PUMPED!! It’s time to hit the road Gemni, to all your friends, it’s been as they say, real. You love school, your friends, the Caprese from the Muddy but it’s time to go home. The stars aligned and they spelled out your address U feel me?? Of course you waited until the last minute to pack but what else is new. Wait, did you unplug your fridge? Good luck.

Final you’ll most likely fail: Exploring the Bible

Cancer (June 22nd – July 22nd)

You’re going to that party Friday night aren’t you Cancer? “I could care less” and “I give up” have been phrases you’ve been using a lot and we don’t blame you. This semester went by fast but it has definitely had it’s dragging moments. You just stocked up for the weekend and are treating it like any otha🍻 What? You want to see your friends one last time and you prefer seeing them blurry wearing your favorite body suit…

Final you’ll most likely fail: Chem

Leo (July 23rd – August 22nd)

Leo, you are cramming those notes in at the speed of l i g h t. You are the one who reserves spots in the Lib, stays awake until 2, and walks to the JYC at 7 to make sure you use all your time to ace those exams. Wow. Even the stars don’t know what to say :/ That is a lot of werk and we could only WISH we were as dedicated to our studiez as you. Teach us your ways?? Unless you don’t have time before midnight, in that case you’ll find us in bed. HEY, we all can’t be like you. Pretty sure only you are like you.

Final you’ll most likely fail: Are we even going to consider this option?

Virgo (August 23rd – September 22nd)

The Christmas music playing throughout the JYC, the tree in the quad, the FESTIVITIES!!! You’re gonna explode with green and red streamers and twinkling white lights. You love this time of year, of course second to summer, but nonetheless you’re pumped. You have been extra cozy lately after breaking out your chunky sweaters and Xmas sox. All you drink is hot chocolate, and you’ve been binge watching 25 Days of Christmas hardcore. You basically have been the Elf with all your friends, and they love you, they really do, but PLEASE stop SINGING.

Final you’ll most likely fail: Math of Everyday Life

Libra (September 23rd – October 23rd)

Libra, the stars have aligned and they told you to wake tha f**k UP. Since when have you ever been a napper? Are you growing? Lately you have been doing nothing but sleeping when you get a chance, and didn’t your mom always tell you not to study on your bed? Everyone knows what happens next. Your roommate thinks you’ve suddenly turned half cat and she’s jealous every time she looks over and sees you sleeping on Cloud 9. NOT FAIR OK we wanna sleep too but guess what, we probably will join you, actually what’s your room number again?

Final you’ll most likely fail: You slept through whatever one you had at 10:15

Scorpio (October 24th – November 22nd)

HEY. This week you are trying to study at every cafe you love, especially Tatte. You are going to miss Boston so much over break so you want to make sure you get your last fave bites and sips of all the foods you love around the city. You’re not only cramming work in, but chai lattes, too. You’ve been stressed but still open time in your schedule to hit The North End and Newbury Street!! Pick me up a coffee and cannoli please🙋🏻

✨ Sabrina Tessitore ’20 is a Staff Writer and Social Media Editor for The Hub. She can be contacted at and on Twitter @Sabrina_Tess


Posted by on December 13, 2017. Filed under Around Campus. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0. Both comments and pings are currently closed.